May 2012
3 posts
bodyofwatern asked: i miss this so much
6 tags
This boy moved into my building asked me out on a date. We went to this Mexican restaurant; fast forward to when we go back to his place. I wasn’t feeling well from the food, and we starting kissing. It was definite I had diarrhea so I told him I was going to leave. He got really upset, thinking I didn’t like him and used him just to get a free meal. He was really sad so I told him I...
clavid:
everyone go follow badtaylorswift
www.badtaylorswift.tumblr.com
April 2012
1 post
helldate:
i’ll never forget the time i went on a date with a guy from my work. he spent the entire time showing me memes on his phone. things like this:
the date went on for far too long and we never went out again but every time he sees me at work he screams THIS IS SPARTA at the top of his lungs and then laughs and i just kind of wave and keep walking.
March 2012
24 posts
6 tags
Anonymous asked: You say that this blog is for your own pleasure, and I sincerely believe that. But the fact that you have ads to make money off others' posts is a bit off-putting.
Day before St. Patricks day. Get asked out by a friend of a friend. Agree to go out with him the next day. Spend all day doing St. Patty’s day things together. Find him slightly funny but a little on the douchey side. Go to a bar that night. He gets shitfaced drunk. He stands up suddenly on top of the bar. Gets thrown out of the bar for pulling down his pants and exposing himself to the...
Walking home some guy bumps into me and instantly starts chatting shit in my face about aluminum being the best metal. I tried to stay calm and explained to him that iron was actually the best metal, but he wouldn’t take a hint. He started throwing around words like “rust” and I lost it. I hate aluminum so much.
I’d been through a bit of a dry patch, so when a cute guy I’d met briefly at college asked me on a date I was more then happy to oblige. We went to a movie, then for a meal, then he asked me back to his place. So, I went to his place only to find that “his place” was actually his Mormon parents’ house, who spent the next hour telling me about the advantages of being a...
Anonymous asked: some of the stuff you do post sounds made up though.. yet you say you don't post the crappy ones?
furthermore, this blog is entirely 100% for my pleasure. i created it because i like reading about your miserable dates. the fact that i post them and allow you to join me in the fun is just me being the amazingly kindhearted, sexy, and humble person i am. nobody invited you to my flawlessness party you don’t have to be here but we are going to open presents in an hour. and by we, i mean...
jordanstaalin asked: Y'know you always fucking complain about not having enough submissions, and then continue to say that you don't post them because 'they were probably terrible'. Some people might think that the 'terrible' ones are actually good. This blog isn't just for your pleasure, it's for the followers' pleasure. I suggest you start learning how to run a second...
I was dating this guy and he let me use his computer for something. I accidentally clicked on a folder and a bunch of gay porn popped up. I looked at him with a confused look and he goes “Um babe, we need to talk.” He took my hands and looked into my eyes and says “I’m gay.” I said oh, and asked if he wanted to break up. He said “No, I still like you. I just...
Anonymous asked: My best friend of 14 years and her bf of a year broke up. A few days later when she slept over at my house, we were laying in my bed and I opened up to her about my long-time attraction to her and we made out. She told me she'd wanted to kiss me for the longest time, that she felt the same about me, and tried to take things further. I reminded her that I'm waiting until marriage. She got...
I went on a date—my first date ever, actually—with a nice boy I met through a friend, who came with me and brought a date of her own. The four of us went ice-skating. My friend and her now-girlfriend had lots of fun: flirty-flirt, hand-hold, what have you. My date, instead, told me all about the time he was molested in an ambulance and how much his family hates him for being gay (the...
I met a guy in a club and after a LOT of drinks we decided to go back to my place. The sex was ok despite how drunk we were but halfway through he gets up to use the bathroom and comes back clutching my shower head (which he had unscrewed from the wall) and shouted “this is amazing! We should use this!” He then promptly passed out on my floor.
Once I went on a date with a guy and ended up telling him about my mom getting really drunk and snorting cocaine one christmas. Shortly after we went back to my house and my mom was there and the whole time he was just miming cocaine snorting and she caught him doing it and asked if he had a drug problem. it didn’t really work out but now he always asks me how my mom is.
Once this guy asked me on a date and I didn’t find him particularly interesting but I thought why the hell not. He picked me up and took me back to his house where his sister and her boyfriend were - they were also really really racist and wouldn’t stop talking about how bad black and brown people are. I’m half Egyptian. When I told them the room went silent and I had to leave...
1 tag
clavid:
one time me and my boyfriend at the time stopped at walmart to get something quickly on the way home and as we were walking toward the registers this (heavily-medicated) obese lady with in one of those electric carts started yelling for us to stop… so we did and then she abruptly asked us if we had ever played “the sims: online” i told her it didn’t exist (at the time it didn’t) and she...
This really, really rich guy asked me out on a date. After dinner, we were having a great time smoking in his Porsche - such a great time that we literally drove around for hours. I didn’t realize that I started my period. It didn’t help that I was wearing a miniskirt. There was a puddle of my period blood on his white leather seats.
some guy asked me out on one date and i said yes then when i got home a facebook relationship request was waiting for me; before we went on the date
i once went on a date with a guy who had a lilo and stitch tattoo that took up his entire back.
i’ll never forget the time i went on a date with a guy from my work. he spent the entire time showing me memes on his phone. things like this:
the date went on for far too long and we never went out again but every time he sees me at work he screams THIS IS SPARTA at the top of his lungs and then laughs and i just kind of wave and keep walking.
I had been talking to this guy for a few weeks and we decided to meet up at the mall. We’re talking, having normal conversation and such, and he keeps slipping in these compliments like “You’re the funniest person I have ever met,” and “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite like you.” Then he tells me this story about how last summer, his dad’s girlfriend murdered his...
i went out with this guy to see the muppets movie, cut to his bedroom where we’re mostly naked and fooling around. his best friend appears, apologizes to me, and climbs into bed. and my date keeps kissing on me while holding this other guy’s hand. afterwards his friend turns to me and says “i feel so much closer to you now”.
i went on a date with this guy and when the waitress asked if we wanted dessert he said no that dessert was at my place and grabbed my tits.
there was this guy i had been talking to for like 2 months and he wanted to take me on a date and i said yes. but the whole entire date he refused to talk. he was legitimately so shy that he didn’t talk to me once and every time i talked to him all he did was laugh. when i got home there was a fb message like “i had a lot of fun on our date tonight, you’re fun to talk to...
GO FOLLOW HELLDATE'S SISTER BLOG
i almost never ever promote a blog but this 1 is probably the funniest submission blogs ever
http://ihopericksantorum.tumblr.com/
http://ihopericksantorum.tumblr.com/
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seriously everyone go follow/make submission so i can keep laughing
seriously what are you doing… go now
February 2012
50 posts
it was the fourth date and this guy took me back to his place. we were getting it on and then while we’re nearly undressed he tells me to wait a second, so i go onto his couch and wait for him there. he brings out a big dildo and i’m like, um ok, what are you going to do with that? and he says, “oh, this isn’t for you. it’s for me. i like it hard and fast so do your...
Anonymous asked: A few weeks ago I was hanging out at a laser tag lock in with the guy I like and then near the end of the night after flirting with me and everything he kissed me and then said "I'm still single." so I was like "Oh..." and walked away almost in tears.
One time a date and I were have dinner at a restaurant on a dock. It was a nice enough evening until a man in his underwear ran through, jumped on our table screaming bloody murder and dived out the open window into the sea.
Well I was casually seeing this girl, we’d see eachother at the gym and talk on the treadmills. One day I asked her to go for drinks, things were going well but by the time I had my 2nd beer she was on her 5th fruity fishbowl drink. The conversation took some weird turns and I ended up having to explain to her that she does not pee from her vagina and that it’s a separate hole, she...
I once had sex with my girlfriend while she was on her period at some hotel through a school trip… she left the sheets bloody, panicked and put them in safe in the closet.
About two years ago on Valentine’s day my boyfriend of three months told me he had to tell me something and when i met him at the park his best friend was there and he said, “i don’t think this is going to work out” He grabbed his friend’s hand and said “we’ve only been together for three months but he and I have been together for 11 and I’m done...
I was at this guys house and we were watching movies when we started making out and he started to finger me. Apparently the fact that I seemed to be enjoying it was a sign that I was keen for commitment, because he then took the opportunity to RIGHT THEN ask me to be his girlfriend. While his fingers were inside me. How romantic. So in what I consider to be an Oscar winning performance, I smiled...
On my second date with my now ex-boyfriend, we were laying in the sand at the beach when he jumped and scratched his back. When he drew his hand away, it was covered in dripping green goo. I looked at his back and a seagull had literally busted its diarrhea all over him, it was the grossest vareity of colors and we didn’t have anything to clean it off with, so he had to walk across the...
I was about to lose my virginity to this girl I’d been dating for a while, but she hadn’t trimmed her fingernails, which I was too dumb to notice, and she scratched the inside of my vagina really badly. We both thought that was just my hymen breaking until we realized the bleeding wasn’t stopping.
This guy took me to the movies once and we had a great time. After the movie we hung out at his place and he kissed me. When he pulled back he whispered “Am I a good kisser? do you think your bestfriend jenna would wanna go out with me?” and I was like oh
Anonymous asked: You will never be tumblr famous because you refused to be nice and accept others' opinions. Js and have a good day.
Anonymous asked: "send submissions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" even though, i'll probably hate it so you just wasted both of our time.
Anonymous asked: Once my date and I were at his house watching a movie. I was having stomach problems so I went to go to the bathroom, but the toilet wasn't working and he was in the other toilet, and I really had to go. I didn't know what to do so I pooped on his living room floor and covered it with a couch pillow. He came out and asked what it was, and I blamed it on his dog. He replied "I...
mandaleepandalecki asked: I submitted a story but it never showed up :3
A few years ago on my birthday I was making out with my then boyfriend, and he just sticks his finger in my butt without asking permission or anything. I asked him what he was doing and he pulls his finger out, looks me dead in the eye, says “happy birthday” and then licks his finger
One time this guy asked me to go to a party with him and i was like okay, then we went to this party and everyone was drinking so i asked if he could take me home. well he took me to the beach and asked if he could eat me out and i was like okay. ‘cause i never had that done to me before and was curious to how it felt. He was really bad at it & i was actually relieved when a cop caught...
one time i went to the symphony with my boyfriend and during intermission he asked if i wanted to go on a walk so we went to this parking garage stair case and hooked up and i heard someone coming down the stairs so i turned my head to see if someone was coming and when i looked back at him he had this terrified look on his face and he came everywhere on my nice dress, face, hair. and I had to...
SEND SUBMISSIONS PEOPLE!
Anonymous asked: I pooped in the car.
Anonymous asked: My girlfriend knows I'm sensitive. Every time I go over to her house she tickles me until I jizz in my pants. One day her parents saw.
I went on a date a few weeks ago. After dinner we went back to his place and I had to GO! I have stomach problems so some food is sensitive to me, when we got to his house I ran to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea. While I’m in there he tells me that his water is turned off because a pipe burst earlier, so I can’t flush the toilet. When I get out I immediately make an excuse to...
once I went on a date with this girl to a restaurant. I ordered jumbalaya and it had some spice in it that I’m allergic to. When I ate it I had an allergic reaction and passed out. I woke up in the hospital and she said it was over.